we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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