Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
