:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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