But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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