just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
