Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
