My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
