And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
