Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
