All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
