Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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