Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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