Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
