you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
