you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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