You made me cry and you don't even care
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
