New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
