Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
