You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
