I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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