Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
