i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
