I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
