They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
