Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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