tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
