i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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