this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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