oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
