I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
