I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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