Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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