Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
