When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
