This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
