Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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