i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
God, I missed his penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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