I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
