Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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