I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
