omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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