If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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