I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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