i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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