This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
