Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
