I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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