I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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