Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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