lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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