and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
