Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
