I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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