my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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