Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
